You said I was your stone.
Wrapped in a million cracks of uncertainties. I am unpolished. Different and difficult.
A thousand miles too far. One lapidarist too short.
I have always been the poor. The huge scarcity of neediness and worthiness.
Have you got the time to check the fuel in your tank? I don't think it will sustain.
Despite the unimaginable lengths, the big hurdles over the infinite sands and vegetation, I crawled my way through, in hopes of finding you.
You eyed my advancing footprints, watching snugly on your throne. Always having the option to come and go, as you wish.
But your world continues to orbit the sun as it was since its glorious inception.
Not knowing mine stopped and turned cold.
Realizing there was never oxygen, no chemical bond after that one vigorous reaction,
Crushed the world I thought I knew.
When I look back on the past, I do only regret one thing.
I regretted disregarding my foolish naivety. Letting my ignorant instincts believe.
But I have never regretted pouring my heart and coring it out for you.
Wise men were right from the start and the fools have always been wrong,
But I will never forget that wise men were once fools too.
Nevermind. It is okay. I'm fine. Moving on.
Surreal. One word that could really explain everything that I've experienced since the moment I stepped inside of KLIA to the moment that the wheels of the Airbus A380 that I was in landed in Heathrow Airport London. What a surreal, bizarre feeling. I have to admit, all the briefings done weeks prior were all very informative and good but to be honest, nothing beats the feeling of actually being there. What I imagined prior to flying is in no way similar to what I am experiencing now because now. I am in London! Trying to tell myself the same thing, over and over again, every single time that I woke up from my sleep.
Alhamdulillah, the biggest of gratitudes to the awesome bunch of people who gave me this once in a lifetime opportunity to actually experience London. Several months before, my goal was to visit Europe at least once before the age of 30. Little did I expect that I am actually going in the same year! That awesome, incredible and fulfilling feeling. I know that I wasn't dreaming when I asked Seth to pinch me while waiting for a bus from Heathrow to Camden Town, where we're staying. It did hurt, meaning it was actually real!
OK, apart from all the amazement, the room is very cozy and beautiful. Beech wood flooring, double bunk beds, clean white duvets and sheet covers, everything about this room is awesome. The hotel was named Stay Club. It's a fairly new hotel here, in Camden Town. I could see a dozen of contract workers going about in the building. James, the hotel representative, told us that they are expanding the hotel and the development site is actually right beside the building. He did warn us that we'd be hearing some construction noises during the day. No problem for us students, I bet we won't even be inside most of the time during the day. Even if we do, that's what ear plugs are for!
After checking in, we (Seth, Ikhwan and me) went out to see what Camden Town could offer us. A lot of things to be exact. There's a Morrisons superstore nearby (something similar to Tesco in Malaysia, but a lot better in my opinion) and there's dozens of shops nearby. We stopped by Sainsbury, a small grocery store along the way just to look at all the foreign brands that we don't have in Malaysia. As a graphic design student, I love to pay attention to details. By details I mean how awesome their branding is, design wise. They're awesome. I could see a lot of great branding going on, the packagings are very nice too. Very attractive and competitive on the shelf!
Along the way, a friendly old lady stopped us and told us about a park nearby called Primrose Hill and how we could actually see the city of London if we were to climb up to the top of the hill. She was very friendly, it's such a rare thing to see back in Malaysia. Despite knowing that the old lady wasn't trying to trick us into anything, we stayed vigilant throughout the journey. There's a lot of things that we are yet to know about this foreign place. Some are good and some are bad. The least we could do is to be cautious about our surroundings and watch each other's backs.
We followed the old lady's directions and ended up at Primrose Hill park. What a beautiful park. There were dogs running freely on the grass and couples holding hands while walking towards the top of the hill. It was 12pm but it was very cold, cloudy and windy. If we were to be in a Malaysian park at 12pm, we'd be terribly sunburned! That's how different the weather is between here and Malaysia. We took photos, took some videos. went back to Stay Club and napped for a while.
At 4pm, Seth and I went out again. This time to Camden Market. What an abundance of people, food, culture, and stuff to buy and look at! We were very surprised to see a Malaysian food stall selling apam balik and many other Malaysian food there. The lady who might be owning the shop said hi to us and asked us which part of Malaysia we came from. It is very surprising to find another Malaysian here in a foreign place. She's very friendly too. We got to know her better, chatted this and that and I bought myself a nutella apam balik. Such a unique version of the classic apam balik that we all know. After that, we stopped by a few other shops and went back to the hotel.
What a day. Can't really dismiss the feeling that I might still be dreaming in my bed, back in Malaysia. We slept at 10pm and woke up at around 5am in the morning. Feeling very refreshed and ready for the next day! Piccadilly, here I come!
When it comes to money, I am usually very thrifty. No matter what the season is, I am born frugal and proud. Grown up in a very small town called Kulim, I learned that money never comes easy. Compared to all the lucky bastards cum my schoolmates cum my friends, I've never gotten a PlayStation 2 as a birthday present. It was frustrating but at the same time it was one of the best lessons my parents taught me in life. It is no doubt a great lesson unlearned by all the other lucky bastards. They are seriously missing out.
My parents taught me well. My parents taught me hard. Luxury doesn't come easy but it's all fine. As long as we are happy and surviving, breathing in some oxygen here and there, everything is gonna be alright. As long as our tummies are filled with mum's unforgettable home cooked meals, everything is going to be a-ok. My parents taught me how to save up and how to invent a makeshift piggy bank out of a transparent Tupperware box so that I could save up some more money by not buying a piggy bank.
By having this makeshift piggy bank, I could finally keep all my coins in there ('Cuz who's still using coins anyway? Well, not moi) and store large amounts of duit raya so that I could buy something rather expensive, like awesome gadgets in particular. Til' today, the same habits do apply. I still save up some money from time to time to fulfill my heart's expensive desires. Instead of makeshift Tupperware piggy banks, I have moved on to bank accounts.
Yes, it is a lot more sophisticated and professional now. Believe it or not, my dear friends didn't find this frugality nature of mine very... hmm... 'appealing'. I understand them for they come from a very privileged family, doesn't matter if they were born with silver spoons or not, their ka-ching rings much louder than mine. Putting all comparisons aside, not everyone finds frugal people attractive. Simply because they actually think and hesitate before agreeing to spend their money on something.
I learned that being thrifty should be capped to a limited extent, not to a degree where you starve yourself to death. Having fun once in a while is fine but not everyday, of course. Your body needs some rest too, you know?
All these stories boil down to this : I am currently being a cheapskate for my future. Yes, you've heard right. All these plans of vagabonding in the land down under leads me to the extreme depths of cheapskating. I know it's not a word, but it's pretty awesome. I find myself keeping track of my everyday expenses, being disciplined on how I spend my precious money and save up as much as I could by sacrificing most worldly luxuries. Well hey, I'm doing just fine. Whenever I think about my savings, I think about all the happy times that lie ahead. I am a hundred percent sure it will all be worth it in the end.
A longing heart should never be left longing forever. By saving up bit by bit, I am one step closer to my dreams. That one dream that I should not ignore.
Well, that's all for the time being, folks. I sincerely hope that I will blog again soon. G'nite!
It has been more than a while, hasn't it? Well, it feels like I was frozen in time or just moving too fast alongside the ticking hands of the clock. I have been pretty much wanting to blog again, although now it's more walk and less talk. Twittering doesn't help much either. Besides, I'm doing this for myself now. Hooray. I will blog what I want to, when I want to and about anyone that I want to. Yes, gossips included! Lol. Recently I have been having a great time planning my future, although it seems like lightyears away from me. I can't help it.
I remembered the first time I went to Perth, Australia. I did not know exactly what to expect. I was young, 7 years old to be precise. I remembered waking up from a short nap on the way to the airport and asked my mum, "Are we there yet?", and my sisters just went like, "We have arrived in Perth, Apit! We are here!!" while I was stealing a glance from the outside. "This is not Australia,", I muttered. Somehow I knew Australia was supposed to be awesome, much more beautiful than the view from the car window. And not forgetting that it's supposed to be freaking cold!
Looking back at my childhood, I was very blessed. I have a very loving family who loves me very much. I've been to Perth with my awesome family for four times. Hell, I could still vaguely remember that none of my friends at that time have ever been to the overseas before. I was blessed. I have seen the beautiful Perth Australia even before anyone from my class did. It was breathtaking. I remember as soon as the automatic door opened, the chilly cold air swept in like nobody's business. It was refreshing. Out of this world experience. Well laugh all you want. What seems usual to you might seem awesome to me. I can't help it. I'm indeed a very excitable person.
As my time here in Limkokwing drew closer to the end, I'm starting to realize that I need to start thinking of my next step, my future, my destiny, my unknown. For sure, I have given up a lot of times in my life on the mere idea of studying overseas. My life was all about playing safe. My dreams seem pretty much impossible and out of reach. Financially. All I know is that I don't need a freaking tourist visa. What for? I am not longing to be a tourist. I do not want to go to a foreign country just for the sake of sightseeing. No. That's not for me.
I long to live there. Be it as a student or a worker. I don't care. I don't mind. As long as I'm there, looking at the vast plains of unfamiliarity. Yes, I long to be an alien. Yes, I do. I'll let my dreams abduct me right here, right now in this familiar world bring me to an unknown place. To unknown sights. To undiscovered treasures. There's no reason why I couldn't. I am 21. I could do whatever I want from now on. I'm free. It's time for me to take hold of the pen and write my own journey.
Hey there! :) Have been idling away since my last blog post. Been through lots of ups and downs, emotional roller coaster rides and all that crap! Wasted a lot of my energy on those stuff, while the remaining were wasted on moving in to a new room. Well, hello! I'm in my new room for a week now. :D
This room is very big for its price and the residential area is cool! That's why I like this room, I guess. The only very noticeable downside is that the room is very hot past 5pm and will usually last till midnight.
Walking to the door will usually sweat me, and sometimes just sitting around would do the same.
Right now I'm trying to find a way to make this room more tolerable. >_>" Family and friends told me that I should get a standing fan since I'm only using the ceiling fan now. I hope that would work cuz my broke ass wouldn't be able to afford an aircond unit! :D
Anddd classes have commenced wonderfully. Sliding into the middle of the 2nd week of my 4th semester. Woohoo! Alhamdulillah. :) Been having a great time with friends. Can't survive LKW without them, seriously! On the side note, I'm very happy where I am right now. A new room, a new semester, same old crazy friends and my sister's baby on the way and all that. Great things are happening, no doubt!
Other than that, nothing much. Just the usual me, going through life. I'm trying to save money to buy a new laptop. Probably one of those Apple lappies. God willing. Just trying to cope with recent changes. Sometimes kinda unbearable, but in time we'll always get through right? What is life without any changes? It sure would be lame.
Hey friends. It's been a long time since my last blog post. I admit, I've lost a lot of writing skills along the way. I was enjoying the last bits and pieces of my holidays, which are coming to an end this 27th. What exactly have I been doing for the past couple of days? Well, watching Breaking Bad nonstop from the 1st season to the 4th. I've officially finished watching the 4th one 15 minutes ago. Hooray!
Wait wait. Hold on a minute. I could hear something bad. Something totally negative from someone. What? Was that a judgement? What?! You're saying I'm a couch potato? What the hell? I was just trying to... Nevermind. It's somehow very useless to explain myself to judgmental people like you! Must you always rain on someone's parade? Oh, so you've never been a couch potato before? Have you ever been in my shoes? Do you even know the meaning of holiday? What? What? What were you saying? I am not good enough? You're telling me I'm slow?
What the hell, man! I know I'm not smart like you but hey, why so mean? Why do you have to tell me all this? Oh, even if you don't I'd totally know if you're passing a judgement on me! Ever heard of the phrase "actions speak louder than words"? To be honest my friend, no one is perfect. Each and everyday, I try to better myself and yet, people like you come along passing all these judgements and when I ask why, it's all for the same reason! "I just want you to improve". True. Improvement is good, my friend. Improvement is the best thing. Do you know, everyday, improvement is necessary in life?
It is the essence of being a human being. Everyday, everyone is trying to improve, whether it's their life, or themselves or their financial problems. Everyone, absolutely everyone needs to improve.My life is always being improved each and everyday. Wait, you can't what?! You said you can't see the improvements I've made for myself? Sir, I hope for once you are God because God sees each and every detail of someone's life. But you are not. So if you are being judgemental towards someone that doesn't share his shoes with you, for once, please try imagining putting yourself in his shoes. Please.
The pain and the suffering that they've been through, only God knows. Now now, I'm not saying I'm going through any pain or suffering. It's just that I think that you should stop passing judgements on people. If I were judgemental like you, I would've said many things about you. But I am not and I am thankful. Maybe my mother taught me a lot about what's right and wrong. So if you ever get the chance, please, stop judging people. :) Instead, try to slowly help him improve himself. God will surely love you for that. I can assure you 100%. You will not break any hearts and you will not hurt anyone. Who knows if this can benefit you too? Well, I do.
Hey guys! :) Have you ever felt sort of like it's time for you to do something. To do something to better your life, be it to regain freedom, to be happier or to live a better life only to know that the only way to achieve that is to sacrifice or let go of something? Sort of how I feel. I don't usually like change. I hate change so much. I had to move out of my room 2 months ago and currently going through a lot of changes in my life. The first feeling that I've got from moving out was sadness because I had to let go the room that I loved so much. I've spent a year living in the room, through lots of ups and downs, I felt very comfortable and if given the chance, I would never move out. Sadly, things didn't go as planned. Problems came rolling down, one by one. Housemate gotten a little more annoying than usual and the owner of the house had to just sell the house out of the blue. So uncool. I remember feeling so angry and upset after knowing that the house is getting sold, after putting a lot of effort and hard work into finding the perfect room and decorate the room. All those stuff!
On the moving day, I remember I did not want to start packing at all. All I want to do is to relax and sleep in the room like I would usually do. Somehow, I just couldn't get myself start packing until I read an article on the net. The writer of the article wrote, "Change is constant in life. Sometimes you just have to get out of that comfort zone in order for you to accomplish something better. Be adventurous. Explore. Eventually, you will thank yourself for moving on to a new life that could be a million times better than your current," That article changed everything. I told my lazy butt to stop sitting around and start packing. I got sick while packing due to having a chronic allergy to dust. Eventually managed to finish packing although feeling so sick and exhausted. Silly me, I did not remember to bring my antihistamines!
Whatever it is, all I'm trying to say is, I know God has planned everything for me. Maybe it's His way to tell me that I have a better chance when I do this. So, I moved out and yes, it's true, I am very happy where I am now although soon, I have to move to somewhere else again. All I know is, I loved my old room and I'm still loving it although I've moved out. I've had a lot of respect for it and have felt really comfortable with it. It was time for me to go.
So yeah, just a little boring story. Never be afraid to move on with changes. :) They might do you good!