You said I was your stone.
Wrapped in a million cracks of uncertainties. I am unpolished. Different and difficult.
A thousand miles too far. One lapidarist too short.
I have always been the poor. The huge scarcity of neediness and worthiness.
Have you got the time to check the fuel in your tank? I don't think it will sustain.

Despite the unimaginable lengths, the big hurdles over the infinite sands and vegetation, I crawled my way through, in hopes of finding you.
You eyed my advancing footprints, watching snugly on your throne. Always having the option to come and go, as you wish.
But your world continues to orbit the sun as it was since its glorious inception.
Not knowing mine stopped and turned cold.
Realizing there was never oxygen, no chemical bond after that one vigorous reaction,
Crushed the world I thought I knew.

When I look back on the past, I do only regret one thing.
I regretted disregarding my foolish naivety. Letting my ignorant instincts believe.
But I have never regretted pouring my heart and coring it out for you.
Wise men were right from the start and the fools have always been wrong,
But I will never forget that wise men were once fools too.

Nevermind. It is okay. I'm fine. Moving on.

Surreal. One word that could really explain everything that I've experienced since the moment I stepped inside of KLIA to the moment that the wheels of the Airbus A380 that I was in landed in Heathrow Airport London. What a surreal, bizarre feeling. I have to admit, all the briefings done weeks prior were all very informative and good but to be honest, nothing beats the feeling of actually being there. What I imagined prior to flying is in no way similar to what I am experiencing now because now. I am in London! Trying to tell myself the same thing, over and over again, every single time that I woke up from my sleep.

Alhamdulillah, the biggest of gratitudes to the awesome bunch of people who gave me this once in a lifetime opportunity to actually experience London. Several months before, my goal was to visit Europe at least once before the age of 30. Little did I expect that I am actually going in the same year! That awesome, incredible and fulfilling feeling. I know that I wasn't dreaming when I asked Seth to pinch me while waiting for a bus from Heathrow to Camden Town, where we're staying. It did hurt, meaning it was actually real!

OK, apart from all the amazement, the room is very cozy and beautiful. Beech wood flooring, double bunk beds, clean white duvets and sheet covers, everything about this room is awesome. The hotel was named Stay Club. It's a fairly new hotel here, in Camden Town. I could see a dozen of contract workers going about in the building. James, the hotel representative, told us that they are expanding the hotel and the development site is actually right beside the building. He did warn us that we'd be hearing some construction noises during the day. No problem for us students, I bet we won't even be inside most of the time during the day. Even if we do, that's what ear plugs are for!

After checking in, we (Seth, Ikhwan and me) went out to see what Camden Town could offer us. A lot of things to be exact. There's a Morrisons superstore nearby (something similar to Tesco in Malaysia, but a lot better in my opinion) and there's dozens of shops nearby. We stopped by Sainsbury, a small grocery store along the way just to look at all the foreign brands that we don't have in Malaysia. As a graphic design student, I love to pay attention to details. By details I mean how awesome their branding is, design wise. They're awesome. I could see a lot of great branding going on, the packagings are very nice too. Very attractive and competitive on the shelf!

Along the way, a friendly old lady stopped us and told us about a park nearby called Primrose Hill and how we could actually see the city of London if we were to climb up to the top of the hill. She was very friendly, it's such a rare thing to see back in Malaysia. Despite knowing that the old lady wasn't trying to trick us into anything, we stayed vigilant throughout the journey. There's a lot of things that we are yet to know about this foreign place. Some are good and some are bad. The least we could do is to be cautious about our surroundings and watch each other's backs.

We followed the old lady's directions and ended up at Primrose Hill park. What a beautiful park. There were dogs running freely on the grass and couples holding hands while walking towards the top of the hill. It was 12pm but it was very cold, cloudy and windy. If we were to be in a Malaysian park at 12pm, we'd be terribly sunburned! That's how different the weather is between here and Malaysia. We took photos, took some videos. went back to Stay Club and napped for a while.

At 4pm, Seth and I went out again. This time to Camden Market. What an abundance of people, food, culture, and stuff to buy and look at! We were very surprised to see a Malaysian food stall selling apam balik and many other Malaysian food there. The lady who might be owning the shop said hi to us and asked us which part of Malaysia we came from. It is very surprising to find another Malaysian here in a foreign place. She's very friendly too. We got to know her better, chatted this and that and I bought myself a nutella apam balik. Such a unique version of the classic apam balik that we all know. After that, we stopped by a few other shops and went back to the hotel.

What a day. Can't really dismiss the feeling that I might still be dreaming in my bed, back in Malaysia. We slept at 10pm and woke up at around 5am in the morning. Feeling very refreshed and ready for the next day! Piccadilly, here I come!

When it comes to money, I am usually very thrifty. No matter what the season is, I am born frugal and proud. Grown up in a very small town called Kulim, I learned that money never comes easy. Compared to all the lucky bastards cum my schoolmates cum my friends, I've never gotten a PlayStation 2 as a birthday present. It was frustrating but at the same time it was one of the best lessons my parents taught me in life. It is no doubt a great lesson unlearned by all the other lucky bastards. They are seriously missing out.

My parents taught me well. My parents taught me hard. Luxury doesn't come easy but it's all fine. As long as we are happy and surviving, breathing in some oxygen here and there, everything is gonna be alright. As long as our tummies are filled with mum's unforgettable home cooked meals, everything is going to be a-ok. My parents taught me how to save up and how to invent a makeshift piggy bank out of a transparent Tupperware box so that I could save up some more money by not buying a piggy bank.

By having this makeshift piggy bank, I could finally keep all my coins in there ('Cuz who's still using coins anyway? Well, not moi) and store large amounts of duit raya so that I could buy something rather expensive, like awesome gadgets in particular. Til' today, the same habits do apply. I still save up some money from time to time to fulfill my heart's expensive desires. Instead of makeshift Tupperware piggy banks, I have moved on to bank accounts.

Yes, it is a lot more sophisticated and professional now. Believe it or not, my dear friends didn't find this frugality nature of mine very... hmm... 'appealing'. I understand them for they come from a very privileged family, doesn't matter if they were born with silver spoons or not, their ka-ching rings much louder than mine. Putting all comparisons aside, not everyone finds frugal people attractive. Simply because they actually think and hesitate before agreeing to spend their money on something.

I learned that being thrifty should be capped to a limited extent, not to a degree where you starve yourself to death. Having fun once in a while is fine but not everyday, of course. Your body needs some rest too, you know?

All these stories boil down to this : I am currently being a cheapskate for my future. Yes, you've heard right. All these plans of vagabonding in the land down under leads me to the extreme depths of cheapskating. I know it's not a word, but it's pretty awesome. I find myself keeping track of my everyday expenses, being disciplined on how I spend my precious money and save up as much as I could by sacrificing most worldly luxuries. Well hey, I'm doing just fine. Whenever I think about my savings, I think about all the happy times that lie ahead. I am a hundred percent sure it will all be worth it in the end.

A longing heart should never be left longing forever. By saving up bit by bit, I am one step closer to my dreams. That one dream that I should not ignore.

Well, that's all for the time being, folks. I sincerely hope that I will blog again soon. G'nite!

It has been more than a while, hasn't it? Well, it feels like I was frozen in time or just moving too fast alongside the ticking hands of the clock. I have been pretty much wanting to blog again, although now it's more walk and less talk. Twittering doesn't help much either. Besides, I'm doing this for myself now. Hooray. I will blog what I want to, when I want to and about anyone that I want to. Yes, gossips included! Lol. Recently I have been having a great time planning my future, although it seems like lightyears away from me. I can't help it.

I remembered the first time I went to Perth, Australia. I did not know exactly what to expect. I was young, 7 years old to be precise. I remembered waking up from a short nap on the way to the airport and asked my mum, "Are we there yet?", and my sisters just went like, "We have arrived in Perth, Apit! We are here!!" while I was stealing a glance from the outside. "This is not Australia,", I muttered. Somehow I knew Australia was supposed to be awesome, much more beautiful than the view from the car window. And not forgetting that it's supposed to be freaking cold!

Looking back at my childhood, I was very blessed. I have a very loving family who loves me very much. I've been to Perth with my awesome family for four times. Hell, I could still vaguely remember that none of my friends at that time have ever been to the overseas before. I was blessed. I have seen the beautiful Perth Australia even before anyone from my class did. It was breathtaking. I remember as soon as the automatic door opened, the chilly cold air swept in like nobody's business. It was refreshing. Out of this world experience. Well laugh all you want. What seems usual to you might seem awesome to me. I can't help it. I'm indeed a very excitable person.

As my time here in Limkokwing drew closer to the end, I'm starting to realize that I need to start thinking of my next step, my future, my destiny, my unknown. For sure, I have given up a lot of times in my life on the mere idea of studying overseas. My life was all about playing safe. My dreams seem pretty much impossible and out of reach. Financially. All I know is that I don't need a freaking tourist visa. What for? I am not longing to be a tourist. I do not want to go to a foreign country just for the sake of sightseeing. No. That's not for me.

I long to live there. Be it as a student or a worker. I don't care. I don't mind. As long as I'm there, looking at the vast plains of unfamiliarity. Yes, I long to be an alien. Yes, I do. I'll let my dreams abduct me right here, right now in this familiar world bring me to an unknown place. To unknown sights. To undiscovered treasures. There's no reason why I couldn't. I am 21. I could do whatever I want from now on. I'm free. It's time for me to take hold of the pen and write my own journey.